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Eliss would be great if I were any good at it

I’m really, really bad at Eliss, the multi-touch plate-spinning game for iPhone. I think my failure falls somewhere in my personal Venn intersection of shortsightedness, panic, and a total lack of coordination.

You’re nodding and thinking to yourself, “Stop worrying! No one can be that bad at Eliss.” You’re wrong. I am starting to realize there is something genuinely wrong with me.

There are 20 levels. I passed the first stage after a day of trying. I can’t pass the third stage.

I can see what needs to happen, and I want to make that happen, but I’m graceless and stupid, my brain motoring at half-speed. I’ve shown Eliss to others, demonstrating its artfulness and my stupidity. Friends invariably pluck my iPhone from my hands, to show me how it’s done, and then they don’t want to give me my phone back.

“Stop beating my phone game,” I snapped at Scott Sharkey, grabbing at my phone. I put my iPhone somewhere private he couldn’t get to it, like in my purse or in a drawer, I can’t remember. Scott smiled at me quizzically.

This is so frustrating because Eliss is obviously the raddest game for the iPhone yet. And I can’t play it! It’s right in front of me, and I can’t do it! I’d wanted to talk about it once I’d played it except I can’t. I can’t do it. And everyone else can!

Anyway, you’ll love it. It’s a $3.99 download.

5 responses to “Eliss would be great if I were any good at it” »

  1. Aw! Yeah, it seems this game really is for indie gamers, masochists, and masochist indie gamers. I spent quite a while trying to beat sector ten and finally did it. Who knows what horrors wait for me in eleven? I have yet to confront it… I’ve been in contact with the author and made a few suggestions that might help you such as making one small change to one of the enemy-type-things found later in the game, adding easy and hard modes, etc.

    Yes, I love this game… It’s so hard… but I love it, darn it! Keep at it. Games this hard but this good make you better at games.

    • Got a reply from the author, Steph. Here’s an excerpt…

      “But I can almost guarantee the current 20 sectors will not change a bit. I don’t like the idea of changing them. As for an update, there will be one, with new stuff, but it might take a little while.”

      ...He really seems to know what he’s doing so as long as he’s happy with it, then so am I. I respect his artistic vision.

  2. P.S. Email me if you want some hints not steeped in the cruel sarcasm that surrounds Sharkey. (I kid. I love all the Retronauts!)

  3. Jon Conley says:

    Friends. Please explain this here game to me. After watching this video, I must confess, I have no idea what the fuck I’m looking at. But it all sounds so happy!

    From what a gather, the game presents you with little ‘zones’ of tiny discs, and you must correctly size a bigger disc to sit in the middle of them, thus scoring points?

    Is this the sort of game that you must play while seated at a desk (considering it makes use of such elaborate multi-touch)? I find that I play my iPhone games the most while I’m getting ready to enter dreamland. That said, many tower defense games occupy my time.

    I only have $4 left of iTunes credit. I must spend this $4 wisely!

    I must know more!

    • Jenn Frank says:

      In Eliss, players are tasked with joining and splitting differently colored planets to match on-screen size prompts. To make a planet bigger, drag two planets of the same color together. To split a big planet in two, place two fingers on it and drag them apart. Once you’ve achieved the size demanded by a prompt, drag your planet on top of it and it will disappear, leaving behind life-refilling stardust that you can tap to recover.


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