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What his video games say about him

What his video games say about him

Patrick Stump, hat-wielding frontman of Fall Out Boy, gets behind the controls to show us what a guy’s video game collection says about him…

“Boys and video games go together like milk and cookies—it’s an inevitable combination. I’m not an extreme gamer now, but I definitely had my day when I was younger. The Mega Man series, Kid Icarus, The Legend of Zelda—I didn’t date for at least a year while those titles were out.”

I’ve dutifully stolen—er, transcribed—the full text of the ‘article’, so hit the jump if you, uh, want to know more about your man’s personality.

Guitar Hero

The GH obsessive is either a musician, or (more likely) someone who really wants to be a musician but is too lazy to ever pick up the real thing. He’s probably very outgoing, but don’t be fooled. A guy who lives out his ambitions by playing video games is a little sad. He might be nice, but I doubt he’ll ever cook you a meal. This guy’s a total slacker.

World of Warcraft

Two Words: Total Nerd. This guy’s an easy catch. I doubt he talks to girls that often, but he’s probably pretty smart. WoW is basically the Dungeons & Dragons of our time, and D&D spawned a generation of kids who went on to invent MySpace and YouTube, and they’re all millionaires today. This guy’s a keeper. (editor’s note: Cute save, asshole.)

The portable gamer

With all those phones around that have in-built games and music and the internet in them, handheld gaming consoles are pretty normal these days. Plus, they’re a good way to pass the time on the bus. This guy’s not too nerdy.

Grand Theft Auto

If your boy is obsessed with a game where you run around stealing stuff and shooting people, he secretly wants to off someone. Even if he’s the sweetest guy on Earth, there’s a part of him that would really like to beat up a cop and steal his car. Don’t leave him alone too often. (editor’s note: Fall Out Boy should run for a Senate seat!)

Tetris

Tetris is my fave game ever, so I cannot be impartial. The Tetris gamer is the best. He’s a problem-solver, he’s neat, and he can build stuff. Plus he’s good at packing boxes so if you’re in it for the long-term, he can help you move houses.

Nintendo Wii

The Wii is awesome; everyone should have one! You can’t be annoyed at a dude who spends all his time on the Wii coz it’s not like he’s being lazy. That’s like exercise. You can really work up a sweat with them. This guy’s a hard worker, and that’s a great guy to have around.

Dance Dance Revolution

This guy’s in good shape. I mean, all that moving… he’s got a good bod. You can take him out to clubs as well. A lot of guys don’t dance, but this guy surely will. (editor’s note: Surely!)

The old-school gamer

Forget the nerdiness and you’ll find that this guy’s just really funny. If he collects consoles like the Atari 2600 (made in 1976) and the Commodore 64 (made in 1982), then he’s obviously a wealth of pop culture trivia. This guy’s a barrel of laughs. (editor’s note: No.)

7 responses to “What his video games say about him” »

  1. Castro says:

    I’ve been following this blog for a long-ass time and I had to comment on this.

    When I first started reading I thought, “Eh… Fall Out Boy is a horrible, horrible band, but maybe this guy has something worthwhile to say. Otherwise, why would this be posted here?” Then I read it. Hilarious. What magazine is this from?

    Also, living in Seattle I know many musicians who hate Rock Band/Guitar Hero because they believe that the people who enjoy these games think that they can actually play guitar. I have grown to instantaneously hate anyone that makes that assumption. Seriously.

    Also, the WoW treadmill thing was rad as well. Keep up the good work!

    • Jenn Frank says:

      Why would this be posted here, indeed! This lucky find is ostensibly a scan from Australian pre-teen girl magazine Girlfriend.

      I’m with you on the Guitar Hero/Rock Band thing. Endless thanks for your kind words!

  2. Kevin Bunch says:

    What, I’m not a barrel of laughs? 😛 Or is it that they got the 2600’s release year wrong?

    ..I feel lamer for having noticed that.

  3. Sarra says:

    Thanks for transcribing that article—it confirmed that most pop culture figureheads still haven’t a clue about gaming and gamers. This is so rife with stereotypes that it’s laughable. It isn’t what ‘his games say about him,’ it’s what this airhead’s preconceptions and stigmas say about him. Very funny, though.

  4. SimRacer says:

    So no words about guys who only ‘plays’ racing-sims!? hmmm… maybe you dont count them as a game. That’s understandable, I also think them being much more than just some stupid games without point. 😀

  5. fartron says:

    So Patrick Stump, born 1984, didn’t date for an entire year when Kid Icarus and Legend of Zelda were out, in 1987. I’ll bet he regrets letting his prime toddler banging years slip by.

  6. Tony says:

    WoW? A keeper? lol. Maybe if you like relationships that don’t involve a whole lot of spending time together. Most WoW players I know couldn’t hold a relationship together if their lives depended on it…some can’t even manage a decent job.

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